What is Love?

Love. That’s what I need to be happy. That’s what I need to be me in the truest sense.

It’s all around me all the time, so why do I keep failing to see it?

Maybe I’m looking with the wrong instrument – my eyes. Maybe I need to start looking with my heart. It can’t “see” in the normal sense of the word, but from experience I know it has the power to realize that which I cannot always see.

Maybe I need to expand my definition of the word love in order to wrap my mind around it. The Greeks have four words for love: Agápe, Éros, Philia, and Storge. Agápe is the highest form of love. Some describe it as the “all consuming” love God has for us. Éros is sensual love, similar to the love a husband and wife have for each other. Philia refers to brotherly love. Think Philadelphia. Storge is affectionate love like the one parent’s have for their children.

The one thing all these definitions have in common is they imply love is a verb. In turn, to “feel” love you must first put love into action or be the recipient of someone’s love in action.

Interesting how I just resolved my own dilemma. If I want to see love in my life, I must manifest that love through my actions. This is also tonight’s lesson. Love is in the doing, not just in the feeling.

Here’s an example of someone who put their love into action day after day.

Walking the Middle Path

I have a tight Peroneus Longus. At least that’s what internet wisdom tells me.

“The peroneal muscles run down the outside of the lower leg and are often neglected in a stretching routine.” I’m still figuring out the whole mechanics thing behind running, so the other day when my passion propelled me to run 10.5 miles, I was not technically prepared. Now I’m hobbling around with a pain in my lower right leg. But you know what... I love it.

A friend today told me I should get a cane and I thought to myself, “That’s an idea… Maybe I can buy a big furry hat to go with it.” My sister is always telling me I could be more stylish so now’s my chance.

In all seriousness, I need to figure this out so I can continue my running training. Once again I’m learning that life is about balancing the practical with the visionary. I believe Buddhist’s call this “walking the middle path”. This is also tonight’s lesson.

It’s back to the running mechanics lab for me.

Learning to See

While I was running the other night I blinked and one of my contacts fell out. The end result was I could see clearly out of one eye, but not the other. The next day this caused me a serious headache.

Life is like that right now. Some things seem clear and others blurry. Trying to reconcile them is also making my head hurt (and probably my wife's head as well).

To resolve the contact situation I went to my eye doctor and he gave me a spare contact lense (I ran out of contacts and my prescription expired).

Logic would say I also need to go to someone to help me with my life issue right now. I need someone to help me gain clarity again. Maybe that someone is inside of me and I’m just too blind to see him. Interesting thought.

The lesson? Seek and you shall find. Ask and you shall receive. Knock and the door shall be opened. You don't need sight to do this. Only vision.

Maybe I need to start training to see with “no eyes” like Frank Dux.

Live While I'm Alive

“In the end we are our choices. Build yourself a great story.” ~ Jeff Bezos, Founder and CEO of Amazon.com

Last night I made a choice to take my story in a new direction by running 10.5 miles. It was not my most graceful run (I can only imagine what my neighbors must have thought) but I did it - swollen knees, hips, toes, and all.

Today I’m asking myself what inspired me to run through the night like a madman. Maybe it was the beauty and coolness of the moonlit night. Maybe it was the love I have for my family. Maybe it was my desire to draw closer to my creator. Maybe it was my time.

In reality I think it was all of the above and then some things I can’t recall in my mind but do understand with my heart.

My next journey is to step back and see what I can do to learn more about the mechanics of running. I hope to speed up my pace a bit and begin running with others. Let’s see where the journey goes.

The lesson tonight is to remember anything is possible if you believe and are willing to put in the time and effort needed to realize and release your potential. Nothing worth doing ever comes easy. This is something I want my kids to remember every single moment of their lives.

Here’s a song I feel resonates with my thoughts and feelings right now.



“It’s my life and it’s now or never… I ain’t gonna live forever… I just want to live while I’m alive…”

Power of Friendship

The power of friendship is amazing and this past Saturday I was blessed to feel this truth with all my heart. It’s been a while since I caught-up with my long time friends, but the depth of our understanding and transparency towards each made me feel like we had never been separated.

“Friends are roots that connect you to something greater than yourself,” was a thought I had. Being around my old friends brought me back to the base of my soul. Around them I felt most close to who I really am. No fronts. No illusions. Just me. Happy me.

So of course I have to ask, “How do I keep this reality going?”

Looking back at my blog posts an answer has emerged. “Stay in the moment, be honest and transparent, and just be yourself. Life is difficult enough without trying to play a role that is not naturally yours."

Tonight’s lesson? Nurture and make time for those things in life that bring you back to the base of your soul, like friends. There is a lot of happiness to be found there.

And here's a video I could not resist posting.

The First Step

Almost 4 months ago I walked down to my basement, stepped on a treadmill, and took the first step towards the rest of my life. Looking back I could not have imagined I would be where I am today. Have I had some major life breakthrough or something? Yes, but not in the way I expected.

The breakthrough has not been on the outside as much as it has been on the inside. Specifically, I’ve come to a point where I now understand you don’t need breakthroughs to love life - you only need to understand your purpose.

So what’s my life’s purpose? Me. I am my life’s purpose. The purpose of my life is to simply be me… right here, right now. No more no less.

So what’s the value in internalizing this? Freedom. Freedom from the illusion I have to be doing this or that to be happy. I am happy simply because I’m me.

With this clarity I can now go about doing whatever it is I want to do without the burden of anxiety, worry, fear, etc… I can even run 10 miles and help other’s discover their life’s purpose.

The lesson in all of this is that to get anywhere in life you must take that first step. It’s the hardest one to take, but also the most important. Then it’s time to run to your life. What are you waiting for?

Here’s a song that captures the spirit of this lesson.

Extraordinary Peace

“You can keep the darkness.” That’s what I say nowadays when I run into gremlins.

Gremlins come in all sorts of packages. Some are disguised in human flesh while others run around calling themselves belief and circumstance. They all share a common goal; to discourage you from living your life to the fullest. They do this by pulling you out of the moment and into their distorted, negative, and dark reality.

So how do you stop the gremlins? By beating them at their own game. Gremlins can only trouble you if they pull you into their reality. The trick is to pull them into yours.

You know when a gremlin is at work because you feel a sense of heaviness in your stomach, almost like nausea. If you continue to listen to and/or believe the gremlin, the heaviness is replaced by anxiety. Anxiety turns to worry, discouragement, frustration, fear, and/or anger. These feelings have a way of influencing your behavior, and at this point the gremlin has pulled you into its reality and you become the gremlin.

So how do you avoid this?

When a gremlin tells you what it thinks or believes, tell it what you think and believe. When a gremlin tells you something is impossible, you tell it everything is possible and you just need to put in the effort to identify a starting solution. When a gremlin plays the role of the victim, you tell it you feel its pain but you’re focusing on victory. When a gremlin treats you poorly, you treat it with kindness. Do this and you will beat the gremlin at its own game. Eventually the gremlin won’t want to play with you any more, and that’s fine, because who wants to play with gremlins anyway?

The lesson? Your reality is always a place of extraordinary peace if you believe and say it to be.

See if you can tell who the gremlin is in this video.

Propelled by Passion

By God’s grace and the kindness of a friend, my family and I had the opportunity to spend the last 4 days at Deep Creek Lake in the mountains of MD. It was a magical experience and I cherished every moment of it. I also learned a lot about my family and myself.

I learned that my oldest son has a passion for discovery. He spent hours examining animal life under the rocks in the lake. I learned that my second oldest son has a passion for adventure. He spent hours climbing those same rocks and gazing out into the distance. I learned that my youngest daughter has a passion for the unknown. Without any fear she struggled to free herself of my grip so she could practice swimming (she had a life vest on to help her float). Finally, I learned that my passion is to realize and help my children learn their passions. In doing so I am realzing my own life's purpose - to be a great dad and human being.

I wish I could say that everything was cool every second of our trip, but that’s not how life works. My children, like me, have their daily highs and lows. The great thing about kids is one moment they’re screaming and fighting, and the next laughing and playing. Their ability to bounce back quickly from negative emotions is teaching me a lot about how to deal with and manage my own emotions.

I did have an opportunity to do some running through the forest. Inspired by the “energy” of the forest I pushed myself to run farther and harder. It was fun and I had another interesting thought, "The moment is in the doing."

Tonight's lesson is to remember to find that passion inside of you that awakens your heart and makes life beautiful.

Here's a song I feel connects with this lesson.



"Don't know how it is you looked at me... And saw the person that I could be. Awakening my heart... Breaking through the dark..."

Burning Up

Comfort… It’s the enemy of breakthrough. That’s what I’m learning through life and running right now.

So why do we allow comfort to become our reality? I think it’s because we fear who we might actually be on the other side of the fence. What if I can’t keep up? What if I fail? What if I am not happy? These and other questions work to keep us in our comfort zone.

What if everything you ever dreamed of is on the other side but to get there you have to leave your comfort zone. In words this is easy. In practice it’s nearly impossible – but that’s what makes it worth doing. Just look around. How many people do you see living life to their fullest potential and loving every minute of it? Very few I think, but it doesn’t have to be this way.

Every single human being on this earth was created to exemplify God’s awesomeness in their own unique way. The trick to doing this is you first have to believe it and then you have to take action to manifest it. It also requires a lot of patience.

When I run it’s easy to say, “I’ll run X miles today.” In practice, it’s not that easy and there is always a burn. This burn hurts and my mind complains, but it’s the burn that is lifting me over the fence. I don’t think there is any other way to achieve a breakthrough.

Tonight’s lesson? Sitting in your comfort zone will keep you from achieving that wonderful breakthrough also known as your life’s purpose. When you realize and move towards your life’s purpose you will finally wake up and realize life is extraordinary. You might also discover the tremendous power you have to make a positive difference in the world.

Here’s a video I came across today that resonates with this lesson.

Finding Freedom

“Freedom is not outside of you, it’s inside of you.” That’s the thought I had today as I wrestled to free myself of some troublesome thoughts and habits.

So how do you achieve inner freedom? I’m not exactly sure but I think it has to something to do with turning off the inner critic. You know, that voice that says you’re not good enough, you can’t do it, or you’re going to fail so why waste your time trying.

Ever since I ran 6+ miles the other day, my inner critic has been giving me a hard time. In turn, my last few runs have felt a bit off. Physically, I can now push beyond the point of wanting to quit, but that discouraging voice in my head just won’t shut-up. Yes, I can tune it out and ignore it but I dream of the day it will be gone – forever.

So I will continue to run longer and harder. God willing the inner critic will quit before I do.

Tonight’s lesson is to remember that freedom always has a price – your all. You can surrender it to yourself or to the inner critic, but you can’t do both. To surrender to yourself you have to start with forgiving yourself. I think that’s the beginning of inner freedom.

Here’s a song that inspired me to reflect on this lesson today.

Stepping Back

Lately I have felt a bit removed. Almost like I’m watching my life unfold. I'm aware I’m doing this, and even though I prefer to be an engaged person, the new perspective is teaching me a lot about myself. In turn, I’m seeing my strengths and weaknesses for what they are – tools to help me advance as a human being.

Running continues to inspire me to push forward. To see things in different ways. To realize I have much more potential than my mind thinks at times. One foot in front of the other I tell myself. This is true for running as well as life.

Tonight’s lesson is inspired by something I saw today. “The greater the struggle the more glorious the triumph.”

I hope this short film inspires you as well.

In Search of Happiness

Happiness is not something you seek. It’s what you are.

This is what I read last night and for a moment there it made complete sense. One of the things I do when I question my thinking is ask myself, “Who would you be without this stress inducing thought?” My usual response is, “Happy… me.” So I conclude that happiness is my true state of being. When I’m happy I’m just being me.

A little metaphysical I know, but it’s helping me sort out my thinking. You see, I spend a lot of time coming up with ideas I think will make me happy. Most of them external and even when I obtain them I’m not any happier.

In reality, I don’t need anything to be happy because I already am. Always have been and always will be. I cannot be anything other than myself which is happiness in its purest form. What I need to do is stop thinking this or that will finally make me happy. It’s a relentless illusion that only serves to make me unhappy by pulling me out of the moment.

Easier said than done.

Tonight’s lesson? Happiness is not something you seek. It’s what you are. Realizing this will empower you to attract and create an extraordinary life. The one you were always meant to have and live. The one you will share with the world in order to make a positive difference.

Here’s an interesting video by on the subject of happiness.

Breakdown or Breakthrough?

I feel frustrated when I think I’m stuck - like now. It’s as though I’m trying to move forward and at the same time some unseen force is trying to hold me back. It’s a powerful force. So powerful it overwhelms me at times. When I yield to it, it feels like a breakdown. When I move forward in spite of it, it feels like a breakthrough. This past Monday I had a breakthrough after running for 1 hour 8 minutes and 55 seconds in 100 degree weather.

Towards the end of my run, my mind had had enough. Then something inside of me said, “What side of the fence do you want to be on? Breakthroughs are on this side – keep running.” All I could do was look down and watch one foot move in front of the other. I must have mesmerized myself because towards the end of my run, my mind could not make sense of where I was anymore. This is when the breakthrough happened.

I wasn’t delirious. I wasn’t exhausted. I was in the moment and I loved it!

What I learned from this experience is that “being mindful” and “being in the moment” cannot occur at the same time. When I run, and try to push my life forward, my mind puts up all kinds of discouraging thoughts and mental images. The only way to silence it is to slice through it by pushing on. I think this is the secret to breaking through. This is also tonight’s lesson.

Here is a useful technique for relaxing and stepping into the moment. Give it your full awareness. You will really enjoy it.

Magic in Motion

I’m coming up short. That’s the thought that hunts me lately. Whether it's applied to finances, parenting, or life in general, this thought serves to pull me out of the moment. In turn, my perspective on life becomes negative and my attitude follows.

That thought has been part of me for so long, cutting it loose is not easy. But running is helping me do just that. When I run I always get to a point where my mind becomes still and I can see that thought for what it is - a lie. The longer I run the clearer my head gets and the better I feel. Over time the clarity fades but I’m convinced one day it will be permanent. Until then I’ll keep on running to my life.

Tonight’s lesson is to clear up your thinking you need to do something that pulls you out of your comfort zone. Running, or any other activity that requires your full attention, is a great tool to help you do this. Attitude follows thinking, so clear up your thinking and your attitude will also improve.

Here’s a video illustrating how far David Blaine has gone to achieve mental clarity.



"Magic is pretty simple... It's practice, it's training and experimenting while pushing through the pain to be the best that I can be. That's what magic is to me." ~ David Blaine

The Joy of Happiness

What holds us back from living each and every day like it were our last? From being kind every moment of the day? From believing life is magnificent? From loving with reckless abandon?

For me it’s all the internal baggage I carry. Past hurts, opinions, perspectives, fears, worries, anxiety, excuses, etc…

So what happens when you lose the baggage? Happiness I think.

For a long time I believed happiness was just a “feel good” concept that is only temporary. I don’t believe that anymore and I never want to believe that again.

Happiness does exist. So does suffering. So does pain. So does joy. It’s all part of the package called life. The idea is to live it all – fully. The world is full of dichotomies – light and dark, yin and yang. It’s what keeps things in balance.

My kids are teaching me a lot about happiness. Through them I see that a human being’s natural state is “happy”. Yes, they scream, cry, fight, yell, and argue but they always return to the state of happiness – fast. Could a permanent state of happiness be a code word for joy? Yes, I think so.

The thing to remember is joy is a choice. This is tonight’s lesson. You can always feel it regardless of what’s going on inside or outside you. You can even find joy in things you think are not joyful. You just have to look hard. While your down there dig a little deeper and you'll discover something interesting. Peace.

Here’s a guy who figured some of this out and shared it with the world just before he went home.

Finish Strong

How long can I keep this up? That’s a thought I battle everyday.

Some days things seem so clear. The stars align and the effort feels “effortless”.

Other days are not so clear. The stars hide behind a cloudy sky and the effort does not feel "effortless".

So which days are better? Neither I think. It’s all part of the process called life. The important thing is to keep moving forward. Just like running, you’ll get somewhere as long as you keep putting one foot in front of the other. The trick is to appreciate every moment.

The lesson in all of this is something Nick Vujcic, a remarkable human being, taught me the other day. “Along the way you might fall down… it’s not the end… it matters how you’re going to finish… finish strong.”

Here’s a video of Nick putting this lesson into action.

No Boundaries

I believe in the silence between the notes.

It’s there I find the stillness needed to see clearly. It’s there I discover truths I have always felt, but lately forgotten. Truths like we really do have the power to do anything we believe. Truths like no matter what life presents, we always have the power to choose our response. Truths like life was meant to be beautiful and it only seizes to be so when we put our dependence on external things.

How many times do we say, “I would do that but I don’t have enough money, talent, opportunity, etc…?” I say this quite often to be honest. But why?

Fear of failure I think. Fear things will not work out and the floor will fall out from under me. Fear I will let others down. Fear of what might happen if I actually succeed. Fear I don’t deserve better.

I would like to drown these fears now. They are illusions and serve to bind me to a reality I don’t think is real anymore.

Back in 2001 I wrote myself a note. In it I said, “The only boundaries you have are the ones you set for yourself. Seek to find the truth and you will discover a world in which you are free to dream. Good luck my friend and may God bless your journey.” This is tonight’s lesson. One I hope to finally internalize and manifest myself.

Here’s a great song that resonates with this lesson. Enjoy.

Running with the Dragon

“The effort is to apply no effort at all.” That’s the thought I had this evening as I allowed myself to run 6 miles. “Allowed?” you might ask. Yes, “Allowed,” and hopefully I can explain below.

The loop around my neighborhood is 1.5 miles and tonight I planned on running one quick loop. I did this and was feeling good, so I decided to run one more loop (3 miles total). The last part of the loop is downhill and I decided to have some fun by letting my body take over. It sprinted faster than I have run in a long time and the feeling was exhilarating. Then it hit me. My body likes to run. So I decided to do something I have never done before – run a third loop (4.5 miles total).

Somewhere halfway around the loop my body asked to completely take over and my mind “allowed” it. It was a strange sensation. It felt like I was along for a ride in someone else’s body. At the end of the loop my body once again sprinted down the hill. This time I gazed up at the star filled sky and felt a sense of freedom I haven’t known in a while.

I finished the 3rd loop and was feeling alright so I decided to allow my body to run one more loop (6 miles total). It did it and here we are. Contrary to my past self defeating thinking, I did not pass out.

As I was running tonight I had a flashback to the 80’s and something Leroy Greene taught me as a kid. It’s also tonight’s lesson. To find your true power you only need to look inside where you have never looked before. When you find it, you’ll be amazed that something so intense could have gone unnoticed.

Here’s the final scene from The Last Dragon that puts this lesson into action.

The Child Within

Do you remember back to your childhood when you would run with reckless abandon across any level surface? I do. I especially remember running outside in the grass. Back then I would run for no apparent reason – simply to feel the joy of my body in motion. It was exhilarating and I would laugh with joy as the wind whispered in my ears. I loved that feeling.

This morning I was reminded of that childhood passion. My wife, sister, and good friends joined me for a morning run alongside a lake by my parent’s house. Running with loved ones was fun, but it was my friend’s 1-year-old son that really made my morning. The reason? That little guy ran through the woods with such a look of happiness on his face, I could see the presence of God in him. He ran with “reckless abandon” as though nothing else in the world mattered at that moment. He laughed out loud to celebrate his freedom and his laughter filled my spirit with freedom as well.

So tonight’s lesson is something my young friend taught and reminded me of today. Remember the child within – he is free and he can free you too. Yes, you’re probably an adult now but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy life the way a child does - with reckless abandon.

Thoughts on Suffering

I cannot understand the pain of living at times. To contemplate on it would be too much. So why does it end up like this? Why must there be suffering?

Sometimes it’s best not to ask because the answer may not be what you want to hear. Suffering has a way of purging things out of us that hold us back from living an extraordinary life. Suffering is a tool, no more no less, to bring us to greatness. And even when we reach that greatness there is always room for improvement so more suffering shows up.

So that suffering may complete its perfect work, you have to surrender to it. This is not easy... I know. The mind and its reasoning nature cannot make sense of it. Suffering is a process that has a beginning, middle, and end. Similar to running, you will feel a strong burn and the desire to quit before you reach the finish line. It is this burn that strengthens and prepares you to take on greater challenges. It is this burn you must embrace and make your friend.

An extraordinary life has its price. That price is courage to persevere. There is one more thing to know. Extraordinary living is not on the outside – it’s within you. As long as you look for the extraodinary in worldy things you will always come up short.

Running is helping me internalize this lesson. When I run it is not for any specific reason or external goal. Yes, I'm training to run 10 miles in October but even then its about the experience not the destination. When I run I come in contact with something inside of me that inspires me to believe life really is wonderful. I'm reminded that inside each one of us is an endless supply of power waiting to be tapped into and unleashed. But you first need to believe and seek it. This is all a little metaphysical, I know, but it's the only way I can explain my journey right now.

The lesson? “Adventure is not outside man; it is within.” ~ David Grayson

Here's a video that illustrates what a human being can do when they tap into the power within. I think it's called the "impossible".

Living Life

If you knew your life was going to end tomorrow could you say you lived life to the fullest today? My answer would probably be no. But why is that?

It seems illogical to not live each day fully because there is never a guarantee of tomorrow. What is it that holds us back from really living each day as though it were our last? I think its comfort, busyness, and fear. One, it’s easy to become comfortable with how things are and assume they will always be that way. Two, it’s easy to hide behind busyness and push important things like relationships into the background until we think we have more time to invest in them. Three, and I really believe this is the main reason, we are afraid to live life to the fullest for fear of losing it.

So how do you break free from this? “Live like we’re dying” because we really are. This is a concrete truth.

Tonight’s lesson is to take a moment, sit down, and answer this question for yourself. “Am I really living my life to the fullest? If not, what's holding me back? What can I do to change this?” Now go do it.

Here’s a music video that highlights this lesson.

Transformations

“Transform the pain into energy. This is how you do the impossible.” That’s the thought I had this past weekend as I pushed myself to run longer and harder than ever before.

Makes sense, so how do you do it?

I’m not sure but I'm figuring it out by running until I feel like throwing up and then running some more. Oddly enough I love it and I feel compelled to keep doing this.

Just a few weeks ago I believed I would pass out if I ran for too long. In reality I have not passed out yet and don't really think I ever will. What I am discovering is when I run beyond my mental threshold my vision clears up, my mind becomes still, and I feel “free”. It’s addictive, but in a good way.

Having never pushed myself physically in the past, this is all new to me. It’s also exciting because now I’m thinking about what else I can do if I continue to believe in this process.

The lesson here is that perseverance really does pay off. You just have to hang in there, “transform the pain into energy”, and keep pressing forward. Without knowing it you might accomplish something you thought was impossible.

Here's a video clip that resonates with this lesson.

Birthday Wish

“Hi Daddy!” she says,
Her beautiful eyes radiate her soul.
My angel I think to myself,
God’s gift to me.
Amazing you are,
Everything you do is such a joy.
Your laughter, your smile, your kisses,
My heart overflows with love.
Your presence is so brilliant,
I lose myself in your sight.
It’s God I know,
He shines through you so clearly.
Your daddy I am,
And it’s an honor to be.
I will love you without measure,
I will pour my soul into yours.
You are a blessing from God,
One I could never have dreamed of.
You remind me that life is precious,
And I never want to miss a moment.
Amanda, your name means lovable.
And for eternity I will love you.
Happy 2nd birthday babe,
From your papi who adores you.

The lesson? When your heart sings, let it out.

Talking with Cows

Will I ever get up at 6:00 a.m. and run? I’ve been trying to do this for the past 2 months and keep coming up short. Why? Maybe the fire in me is not hot enough yet. So how do I go about changing this?

My sister tells me it’s all in my head and I agree. But how do I get it out of my head and change it. I’ve blogged a ton about changing your thinking and still don’t have it quite figured out yet myself. That’s ok though. Everything is a process. Knowledge does not automatically translate into wisdom.

My heart says to push on and keep trying, so why do I continue to fail. I don’t know. Sometimes things seem so clear and sometimes they don’t. I guess this is all just part of the journey.

I’m still running and biking and it’s becoming less painful day by day. Yesterday, while on a bike ride I crossed paths with a cow and had a unique experience. The cow came up to me much the same way a dog does and just looked at me for a minute or two. I have never stopped to share a glance with a cow and that odd moment left me thinking about how much intelligence cows actually have. As a rode off the cow ran after me. Very odd experience.

So of course I have to wonder what the encounter with the cow meant. Maybe I need to stop eating beef (I have noticed that eating beef makes me lethargic but those Chipotle burritos are just so delicious). Maybe I need to slow down and look at the cows. Maybe I need to stop and pay attention to my life in order to get back into the moment. That’s probably it. Question is when did I stop paying attention?

The lesson? Stop and pay attention to your life on occasion. It may have something important to share with you.

Here are some words to encourage the journey.

A Moving 3.2 Miles

This past Saturday was beautiful. I awoke at 6 a.m. and headed to Baltimore with my wife, oldest son, and running partner and sister. By 9:01 a.m. I had completed my first ever 5K (3.2 mile) race. The accomplishment was nice but running for a worthwhile cause, in this case the Cool Kids Campaign, is what made the experience truly memorable. Also, sharing this experience with my family and loved ones added to the magic of the day.  Thank you guys! 

It’s funny though. I trained for 2 months to run this 5K. On Saturday morning my wife decides to run the 5K with no prior preparation and goes on to do so.  My sister reminds me that what you think you can or can’t do is all in your head. I think she’s right. That’s also tonight’s lesson.

Here is a video by Cancer Fears Me which reminds me that through caring comes the courage.

Second Chances

These tracks to nowhere,
In front of me lie.
The journey until now,
Something I’d rather leave behind.
Paradise on demand,
Or so the label claims.
Sugar cane dreams,
Dance across my mind.
Speed it up, speed it up,
Take a little more.
Slow it down, slow it down,
The ride will be bomb.
Nowhere now, the tracks have disappeared,
Only vast emptiness at every turn.
Tonight it all ends,
Finally it’s time to leave.
Lay down, say a prayer,
Because there is no tomorrow.
Senses are gone,
Thoughts and feelings a memory.
There is no coming back,
And nothing left to even care.
So this is how it ends?
Just me and my pillow.
Goodbye cruel world,
I’m too gone to miss you.
No more anything,
It doesn’t exist.
What’s this? Is it me?
Awake! But how could that be.
Never Father, never again,
You saved me this time.
I will never forget,
I was gone and now I’m here.
Help me to understand,
Why you gave me a second chance.

The lesson? When the time comes... get up. Let the fire within ignite. Be what you were created to be. It's time.

Nowhere - Now Here

Nothing… No thoughts, words, or pictures. Empty.
Now that I’m here what will I do?
Sounds. I can still hear them. What are they saying?
“What are they saying,” they say. Not very helpful.
“Enjoy yourself… you’re here.” Ok.
The vastness of this place is amazing. Light and dark at the same time.
Where’s the floor? The ceiling? The walls?
Nope, nothing here. Only space. Only way I can describe it.
I see with no eyes. How is this possible?
It’s cool though. Very refreshing. I like it.
You’re here with me but how can that be.
I’m nowhere and now you are here.
You look different. Not like your usual self.
What did you used to look like?
Can’t remember in this place. Did you even exist?
Doesn’t matter anyway, let’s move on.
I should come here more often. It’s nice.
Not too much to see, do, think, or worry about.
Wish it was like this all the time.
The light there, what’s that.
Blink, blink. Snap back.
Where am I? Nowhere again.
Maybe now here. Oh well.

The lesson? Take time to let yourself fall into the moment. It will refresh your spirit and perspective.

Going, Going, Gone

Boom, boom, boom!

“Open the door!”

“No! I won’t. I’m scarred.”

“But I won’t hurt you!”

“Yes you will. Yes you will.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Sorry for what?”

“Sorry for scaring you.”

“It’s not you that scares me.”

“Then what is it?”

“It’s what I might do to you that scares me.”

“What you might do to me? Will it hurt?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure. But it scares me.”
“So what will you do to me then? Is it that bad?”
“I don’t know. But I’m afraid to do it.”
“Ok, if it’s not that bad then do it.”
“No. I can’t. I’m afraid.”
“It’s ok to be afraid. Do it anyway.”
“Ok. I’m sorry. I will miss you.”
“Sorry for what? It's time I go away anyway.”
“Who will I be without you?”
“Doesn’t matter. Do it now before you lose courage.”

“Goodbye forever. I will miss you.”

"I will forget you now and open the door."
No one there.
Must have been the wind.

The lesson? Never fear opening the door to a new perspective.

Going Home

Who am I?

Blink, everything changes. Blink, blink, where am I now? There’s a thought. Now it’s gone. Where am I then? Lost? No, I feel here but here just left. Where does that leave me?

In these words I am. Contrasting black letters against a white backdrop. Is it the light at the end of the tunnel? How did I get here? Oops, it just moved past me. Behind me now. That’s ok.

Blank… blank… blank… no thoughts right now. There it goes again. Another thought. Just zoomed by. Missed it. Must not be important. Let’s move on.

Looking over the edge now. Looks like a long way down. Will I jump? No. But why not? Ok, let’s jump.

Emptiness - it does exist. Nice place. Nothing to see or do. Feels like home. Maybe I will stay a while. No more words, only something I can’t express. Why is there a train here? Where is it going. Get on board. Ok.

Clack, clack, clack. Clack, clack, clack. Stop. Get off. Now I’m gone. Where am I? Doesn’t matter. Feels like home. I like being lost. It’s liberating. Nowhere to be, nothing to do, no expectations. I like it here. Maybe I will stay a while. Maybe I will never return. Maybe it’s home – at last.

The lesson? There is nothing wrong with losing yourself. What if it brings you home?

Let Morpheus show you the way.

Mind Trip

The world is a projection of your thoughts. If your thinking is positive the world looks positive. If your thinking is negative the world looks negative. But what if positive and negative are just relative? What if your thinking is just what it needs to be to teach you what you need to learn at that moment? What if there are no thoughts – only notions of what’s going on? What if it’s all a dream? If so, why suffer?

Life is a dream. The mind is an illusion created to make sense of it all. There is no sense because there is no mind. There is no you. No words. No thoughts. No feelings. Nothing. Not anything to be grammatically correct. Another illusion.

What happens when the illusions fall? When the curtain that was never there to begin with pulls back. What is revealed? A place without words. Not a place at all because it would be another illusion. Is it you? Is it me? No. It’s too much to be either or. Maybe it's Rusty.

Deep huh? This is reality. Just too much to make sense of. Maybe it’s best not to even try.

The lesson? None. There are no lessons. Only reflections. Look into the mirror of your life and let it show you the truth. Truth is not relative. It is reality. But the truth is unique for each of us. Don’t project your truth on others. It’s not theirs. Love them and yourself without condition. This is the only thing that makes sense. Come back now. The trip has ended. Go in peace.

“See the mirror in your eyes… See the truth behind the lies…"



"I keep keep running, I keep keep falling... let it fade away...”

Waking Up

The great thing about accepting reality is that once you do you always have the power to change it. Think the world sucks? Ok, so it sucks. Now do something about it. Think the world owes you something. Ok, it doesn’t. Now go and work for what you think you’re owed. Think you have the market cornered on suffering? Ok, you don’t. Now go do something about the suffering of others.

Is getting real with yourself that simple? Yes. The only thing clouding your thinking, feelings, and behaviors is your attempt at dodging reality.

“But I’m really feeling bad, you don’t know what I have been through, you don’t know what I’m growing through, this is all so insensitive, what about my feelings, don’t they matter?”

I’ve said the same things to myself time and time again and you know what? These thoughts have never made me feel better. They have never inspired me to positive action. They have never changed my life for the better. Instead they have kept my trapped. Trapped in the prison of my mind. It’s time to free Mandela don’t you agree?

Don’t abuse yourself though. The hurt you hide inside requires compassion in addition to questioning. Be gentle with yourself. End the war by not fighting anymore. See your thoughts for what they are – thoughts. Don’t let them drive your emotions anymore. Instead let you emotions enlighten your thinking.

The lesson in this is to be free and live the life God intends for you must be real with yourself. In doing so you will return to reality and reality is the only place you can do anything about your life or the life of others. When you wake up to this you’ll realize how much power you actually have to change reality.

Here’s a music video to help you on the journey.

Breaking Free

I have to confess. I have an addiction to Mountain Dew and this week I have given in twice so far (after almost 5 months of being clean). Why does this scenario keep replaying in my life? Will it ever stop? I don’t know so I wrote a silly poem about it a while back.

A joy I once knew,
Has left my life.
Its uplifting effects,
Never to be known again.
Creativity and passion unleashed with each sip,
A lifetime of imagination in a bottle.
Oh Mountain Dew how I miss you so,
Refreshing and inspiring you were to me.
Now I must drink from a different source,
A creative power that flows deep within.
Mountain Dew you are like a bittersweet friend,
Fun for a moment but disastrous in the end.

In reality I think my addiction is not an addiction at all. I have just conditioned my mind to think Mountain Dew (caffeine and sugar) have the power to charge my mojo (life force). Over the years I have reinforced this thought over and over again and my physical being now believes it. The problem with this is that prolonged consumption of Mountain Dew tends to raise my anxiety levels – or does it? Maybe all this messy thinking is just in my head. Could it be that I am not seeking the rush of caffeine and sugar as much as I am seeking to feel the power of my life force in action?

So tonight’s lesson once again revolves around examining your thinking. To get back to reality you need to examine and question your thoughts. Do they make sense? Are they really true? Only you know. When your thinking clears up you might come to the realization the only thing you need in life you already have -your life force. It’s always been there waiting for you to realize it - ready to supercharge you on demand. Then you won’t need anything like a Mountain Dew, coffee, add your own vices here. Then the addictions and damaging behaviors will fade away.

If you think this is impossible let the wisdom of Yoda speak to your heart. Feel the force. Let it inspire you to do things you only dreamed of.



If you're wondering, yes I am still running. Up to 2 miles or so outside on pavement. My knees are holding up and my quads are fried for the moment (did some weight resisted squats for the first time ever two nights ago).

Seeing Again

I fight and I fight,
When what I seek requires no battle.
It was here all along,
It has always been here,
Just waiting to be discovered again.
Why do I do this I ask myself?
Why am I so blind?
How can I not see what is in front of me?
How can I miss reality?
The veil serves a purpose I realize,
Sometimes to see you must first be blind.
Like a baby entering the world for the first time,
To see you must be looking in the first place.
This I have come to understand,
So now I look and wonder.
Now I see what I could not see before.
It will change I know,
This thing I have come to see.
And then I will set out once again,
To discover that which I can no longer see.
Only to realize it was there all along.
Again...

Tonight's lesson? To see reality as it is you must first question your thinking as it is.  When you question your thoughts they let go of you and reality becomes your new vision.

Here is another clip from Peaceful Warrior that resonates with this lesson.