Not too Crazy

“You haven’t written anything crazy lately,” said my sister today.

I’ve become too serious lately. That’s what a family, mortgage, challenging economy, and headful of possibilities and fears will do to you. On occasion my quick wit and humor pop out before I can suppress them. Oddly enough, I have made a conscious effort to be more “logical” lately. Whatever that means.

All my life I enjoyed trying on different personas. At one point I even imagined I was a vampire (after a dream in which a vampire bit me on the neck and I actually woke up in pain). Right now I’m trying to figure out my persona, like I did in the past, but I’m coming up short. The reason? There is no persona. There is only me. And this makes me happy.

I’m not sure if this post qualifies as “crazy” but it will have to do for now. “Crazy” has left the building for the moment. He will be back I’m sure. But for the moment it’s nice to be me.

Tonight’s lesson is that it’s alright to be “you” at times. And if you’re crazy for real… go ahead with your bad self. Who knows? Maybe I am a vampire who's forgotten the truth about himself. Now this is crazy. Would make for a great movie though.

Here’s a song that resonates with this lesson minus the vampire thing.

Victim or Victor?

In my life things have happened that I wish had not. Some were of my own doing. Others were not. The pain these things caused still lives with me today and unconsciously impacts my attitude and behaviors. The worse being fear and anger.

So what would my life be like without this pain? Extraordinary I think. I’d be free to be “me” and I’ve learned “me” is a happy person who knows how to love unconditionally.

I have not written much lately because I have been processing a lot of thoughts, emotions, and life circumstances. Also, the word cancer is now part of my family’s vocabulary. My sense is everything will be alright because life always has a reason (even though we may not agree with it at times).

The other day I caught the end of the movie Good Will Hunting. I think it’s a brilliant portrayal of the suffering a human can endure and still come out a victor in life. I resonate with the movie and the lesson it teaches at the end is powerful.

“It’s not your fault,” says Will’s therapist. “It’s not your fault.”

Acknowledging past hurts that were not of your own doing is the first step to letting go. It’s painful I know, but necessary if you are to release yourself from the prison of your mind. This is tonight’s lesson.

Here’s the noted scene from the movie.

Way to Freedom

Forgiveness is the beginning of freedom. We all carry around past hurts, experiences, traumas, etc… that shape who we are today. Sometimes the suffering was caused by ourselves and sometimes by others. It doesn’t matter how it got there because the important thing is to let it go. The only way to do this is by forgiving.

When you choose to forgive yourself and others it feels like a heavy weight has been lifted from your life. I know this is easier said than done and there are things we would rather not forgive. The thing with forgiveness is that it doesn’t mean you agree with what happened or the impact it had on you. Forgiveness simply means you will no longer allow that hurt to torment your life and hold you back. When you forgive you are really doing it for yourself. You are letting go of a burden that does not need to be carried around anymore so that you can live a fulfilled life.

This subject has come up a lot with me recently. I’ve been pushing myself to run harder and faster. In turn, I’ve observed that when my thoughts surface past or current hurts, resentment, bitterness, etc… my energy level drops off. However, when my thoughts center on forgiveness I feel much stronger and able to run faster.

Tonight’s lesson is to examine those things in your life you feel hold you back or de-energize you. Is unforgiveness at the core? If it is, help yourself out and start making a conciouss effort to forgive. It doesn’t mean you are in agreement. It simply means you have chosen freedom above all else.

Here’s a song and video that resonates with this lesson.

One Day

There was a time when I hated life,
Tomorrow seemed like a place I’d rather avoid.
Darkness and loneliness became my truth,
Alone in my mind I sat and faded away.
Nothing mattered, I just didn’t care,
“I have no conscious,” I believed.
My life was nothing more than a lifeless shell,
Pulled this way and that by illusions.
A living hell I was in,
And I didn’t care enough to find my way out.
For years I secretly died,
Hoping one day it would all just end.
Courage was not mine to manifest death,
So I took the easy way out.
I lived a life with no purpose,
No connection, no inspiration.
Then something inside me spoke,
And I told it to be silent.
But day after day it cried out,
Until one day its Creator cried back.
"I’m so sorry" He spoke,
But I have not forgotten you.
You were my child before all of this,
And forever you are mine.
So now it is I that cry out,
Please, please help me.
I returned from the land of the dead once,
And now I’m alive.
That has to mean something,
And if it doesn’t then I’m lost.
But I will never stop believing in You,
Simply because I love You.
You created me for a reason,
One I humbly ask You give me now.
If not for me,
Then for those I love.
Make a way for them to,
Let go, laugh, live, and love.
Then I will have served my purpose,
Then I will know my life means something.

Tonight's lesson? Life is a gift. Be sure to open the box.

Here's a song that connects with this lesson.

We are Free

Years ago in the darkest days of my life I would close my eyes and imagine myself trapped in a black box. I remember looking up and all I could see was more darkness. The reason I knew I was in a box was by feeling the four walls and floor that encased me. I would reach for the top edge to see if I could pull myself out, but I could not reach it. So I quit trying and accepted my fate.

Then one day a light appeared in the box with me and I was able to see a door I had never seen before. I was eager to step through it but was afraid of what was on the other side. So I sat in the box with the light. On occasion I would crack the door open and a light as bright as the sun would flood in. I couldn’t see beyond the bright light so my fear remained and I stayed trapped. Day by day my courage built and I would open the door a little more. Each time the light would blind and daze me and I would close the door.

One day, and without warning, the door flung open and the box dissolved into the light that penetrated it. The prison that had held me for so long was no more. It was all a construction of my mind. As I looked around I saw a vast land covered in trees and grass. It had rivers flowing through it and a sky so beautiful I can’t describe it in words. I heard voices and realized there were others like me here. We’re they trapped too I wondered?

This place became my home and it has sustained my existence. Others have joined me and I am grateful for their presence. I have learned that I have the power to shape this world and my destiny. I have also learned that I am part of everything in this world and beyond.

Tonight’s lesson? The only prison that can hold you is the one you call your mind. Realize this and you will discover a world in which you are free to dream. God did not create you to be a prisoner. He created you to be free.

Here’s a song that helped bring me through the journey.

Life Lessons

Keep it simple. Eliminate desire for external things. Enjoy those things that come your way. Pass on the blessing.

Build and nurture relationships. They are all you will remember and value in the end.

Stay focused. Identify why you want to do something, how you will do it, and what you want to do. Then go do it until it’s finished.

Take out the trash. Empty your mind and heart of anything that does not make you a better person.

Ask yourself why? Why are you doing what you are doing? Why do you believe what you believe? Why are your alive?

Embrace change. It’s the only constant in life.

Give it all. Don’t save anything for the swim back.

Here’s a video that resonates with the last lesson.

Lose to Win

“Go hang your glory on the wall… there comes a time when castles fall… and all that’s left is shifting in the sand.”

To get to the other side of this journey I will have to die – to myself that is. That’s the castle that must fall so the glory may reside with God.

My last two runs have been different. I’m able to lose myself in the moment quicker and keep my pace up longer. It’s funny… just a few months ago running 10 minutes felt like it would kill me. Running was something I feared. Now it’s something I love.

Tonight’s lesson is to face things in life that you fear. With God’s help they may actually strengthen you. In addition, you may come to love them.

Lose to win. Trust your heart. That’s the message of the song below.

Change

“The only constant in life is change.” Yes, I agree. I also believe that change can feel like a punch in the face. If it doesn’t knock you out, and if you don’t run away, it can inspire you to come back harder.

But what if you can learn to see the change coming and duck out of the way before it hits you in the face? I believe this is possible. What if you can learn to absorb the energy of the change and flow with it? I believe this is possible too.

Tonight a wise friend told me, “The past was the best thing that could have happened to me. The present is the best thing happening to me. The future is the best thing that’s going to happen to me.” It took a moment to realize the depth of his words but it’s finally sinking in. Everything in life, including change, is there for a reason. It makes us who we are. This is tonight’s lesson.

Here’s a song that resonates with this lesson.

Grinding Forward

Sometimes all you can do in life is put one foot in front of the other. Don’t look up, don’t look sideways, don’t look forward, and don't look back. Just look down and focus on putting one foot in front of the other.

This is my life right now – running and personally. I don’t feel like running even though the Army 10-Miler is a month away. But I know I need to continue my training and feelings can’t dictate my life. Personally, I wish life had a timeout button so I could catch my breath. But it doesn’t so prayer will have to do.

I’ve never lived a time like this before. The world is full of hope and possibility and at the same time feels like it could get pulled out from under me at any moment. I talk a lot about trust and I guess that’s what I must do. Trust that life is good. Trust in my ability to push forward. Trust this all just part of a greater purpose.

Tonight’s lesson is a simple one. You can never be stuck if you choose to put one foot in front of the other and move forward. And don’t worry, if your feet our planted on the ground, it’s impossible for the ground to fall out from under you.

Here’s a video that resonates with this lesson.

Amazed in the Moment

What does it mean to be a parent? I have three kids and I’m still not exactly sure.

I wake up in the morning and am amazed at the fact I’m a parent. To be honest it’s all still a little surreal to me. I wonder if this is how other parent’s feel. At the same time it’s one of the coolest things I have ever experienced. I think one of the favorite moments is when I come home and my kids yell out, “Daddy!” and run over to hug me. Moments like these make me feel like I’m dreaming and it’s a dream I never want to wake up from.

My two boys returned to and started school this past week. As I drove my oldest son to school this week I couldn’t help but think how amazing it is I am actually a dad. I wonder if my parents felt like this. My son likes to chat and he tells me incredible things. Today he was trying to explain to me that there is power in exercising. I said, “Why is that?” and he said, “Because God puts power in exercise so that it can find its way to us.” His words remind me that at his young age he has great clarity because his head has not yet been filled with illusions.

Maybe I do know what it means to be a parent. I think it has something to do with living in the moment and helping my kids continue to do the same as they grow up. When I live in the moment I feel most connected to my kids and life in general. The moment is the here and now and I’m noticing this where my kids spend most of their time. Maybe we should all spend some more time in the moment so we can enjoy life the way kids do. This is tonight’s lesson.

I think this little guy has the whole living in the moment thing figured out.

Good to Great to Extraordinary

Do you know the difference between being good, great, and extraordinary? It’s work, hard work, and grace. This is the thought I had tonight as I ran.

So what does it mean to be extraordinary? Contrary to what the world might tell you, being extraordinary has nothing to with external things or even with personal accomplishments. Being extraordinary is all about using your natural and acquired talents to live life to the fullest. It’s also about making a positive difference in the lives of others. To be extraordinary you don’t have to be a celebrity or a Mother Teresa. You simply have to be you to the fullest. That’s where the grace part comes in.

My wife is a Realtor and the mother of three children (4 if you count me). When we were first married we envisioned how wonderful it would be to have a family. In actuality, our kids are the greatest miracle we have ever been blessed with. In practice, providing for and keeping up with 3 small children can be mentally, physically, spiritually, and emotionally demanding. I look at my wife, and she may not know it, but I think she is extraordinary. She has transcended greatness because she chooses to recieve the grace required to fulfill her role as a mom to the fullest.

Interestingly enough, once you cross over to being extraordinary something else shows up to propel you further – love. It’s there all along, but living an extraordinary life somehow makes it a little more tangible. Almost like you can point to it and say, “There it is.” My wife does what she does and is able to do more because she is filled with love. This is tonight’s lesson. Remember to seek grace in your life if you want to live it to the fullest.

Today inspiration came to me in a unique form – a professional makeup artist. Here’s her story.

Why I Run

Why do I run? Because I want to know what I’m made of. I want to know exactly how resilient I am. I want to know that I can do. I run to feel my life in motion. I run to forget the illusions that hold me back. I run to be a better me today. I run for peace. I run for wisdom. I want to know with all my heart life is good. I want to know I was created for a reason. I want to believe that life means something. I run to clear my mind, my heart, and my emotions. I run to remember the best parts of my life. I run to be the best part of my life. I run to discover hidden truths. I run to live those same truths. I run for my family. I run for humanity. I run for my God. I run for me. I was made to be in motion. I’m running to my life.

Seeking Grace

As long as you think life or anyone owes you anything, you will suffer. This is what I’m learning right now.

Growing up I can’t say I ever remember a time when my life needs weren’t met. I never really worried about where my next meal would come from, how I would clothe myself, or if I would have a roof over my head. As an adult and parent all that has changed. Now I consistently worry how I will provide for my family and when I feel something is an obstacle to that I become angry.

So why is that? Maybe it’s my parental instincts. Like a caveman I have a natural instinct to want to care for and protect my tribe. Something creates a threat and naturally I want to destroy or remove it. The only problem is that now I’m supposed to be civilized. I feel the intensity of a caveman and the reason of a modern man at the same time. This inner struggle is grueling.

As I sit here writing this I’m realizing I’m on a distorted mind trip. Everything I have written in this blog points to the truth that positive things manifest in life when you develop the right thinking, attitude, and behaviors. I also write a lot about being in the moment. When you stress about the past or worry about the future you step out of the moment and begin to suffer.

Writing about the truth of life is easy. Living it consistently is not. Therefore, I will be patient with myself right now and let the healing begin. I also recommend you do the same. This is tonight’s lesson.

Here’s a song to inspire us.

Connecting to Truth

"Goodnight Daddy," just said my daughter as she kissed me on the cheek. Now that's where I need to focus my thoughts. Lately, my thoughts have focused on the wrong things and they've taken their toll on my overall well being.

I spent the holiday weekend at my parents and went running at a lake by their house. Typically, my runs there are uplifting and peaceful. Not the last few days. My last two runs were grueling and it took an enormous amount of resolve to not quit and just walk. It felt like something dark inside of me wanted to escape and tear me apart as I ran.

So what's up? I don't know. Maybe something inside of me is changing and causing turbulence in the process. Maybe I need to step back and meditate a bit. Maybe I need to see a priest. All of the above make sense but they are no excuse for quitting.

Tonight's lesson is to focus your thoughts on the beautiful things in life. In my case, all the blessings God has given me starting with my children. When you do you reconnect with the truth. Darkness tries to disconnect you, but it can’t if you turn on the light of truth – you are and always will be connected to everything else.

Here’s a video that connects with this lesson.

Persist I Must

“Persist through crap… criticism, rejection, assholes, and pressure.” This is what Richard St. John, an expert on the concept of success, says to do.

Right now I’m up to my ears in crap. Negative thinking, toxic relationships, worry, lethargy, etc… All this crap has seeped back into my life. So much so that I want to call it a day and go sell t-shirts on the beach or something. I have this crazy fantasy about throwing my cell phone into the lake by my house, cashing a Friday paycheck, getting in my car, and driving west until I run out of money or gas – whichever comes first. I won’t stop though. I will hitchhike or walk to the West Coast and when I get there I will dip my feet in the Pacific Ocean. In that moment I will be transformed into a new being. One with a deep appreciation for life. One who feels grateful and blessed for the life God has given him. One who adores the people in his life. One who believes that by some cosmic twist of fate, life is going to work out great. Not because he deserves it, but instead because he believes it.

So why not believe this now without all the drama of running away? What would I be running from anyway? My life? I thought this whole journey was about running to it not from it.

Did you hear that? It’s the sound of a toilet flushing. No more crap in my life for the moment. Sorry to be so lucid.

Tonight’s lesson is to cut the crap and start believing the truth of life – its extraordinary and worth living to the fullest. A butterfly told me that so I have to believe it. Butterflies do not lie.

Here’s a great TED Talk by Richard St. John.

Questioning My Thoughts

Life has a pattern. Every time you’re on the verge of a breakthrough, a breakdown will show up and try to derail you. This is what happened to me tonight.

Last night I was in an intensely creative flow and my hope was to continue it tonight. I’m working on some things that require me to stay focused and imaginative if I ever want to get them done. I was ready to jump in tonight and then my stinking thinking kicked in. However, I did something different this time around (after feeling like a dope for a while). I verbally stated my negative thinking and in doing so was able to get to the core of the illusion quickly. In turn, my emotional state lifted and creative juices started flowing again. Then I got back to work.

I’m realizing that identifying and questioning my thinking really works to improve my attitude. Yes, I still experience emotional lows for a moment, but I don’t stay stuck. Once I realize the thought that is causing the emotional upheaval, it loses its control over me.

Tonight’s lesson is to pay attention to those patterns and thoughts in your life that either build you up or tear you down. Question the latter and life becomes much more peaceful and creative.

Here’s another ‘90s song to inspire your journey.